Tuesday, 26 July 2011

The Case of the Horrible Ex - One Man's Trash is Another Man's Treasure!


I said would never do this, but just feel I need to get this out! So here it is...

Let's back track a little shall we...I was with my son's father for about 10 years (on and off). We had little man five years into the relationship. We met back in college, and I was the one that was too forward. I had talked to my friend about him so much that she decided to go tell him, and I did nothing to stop her. If not for my son, I would curse that day, but God has been good.

Anyways, we were together on and off for a while, and I supported him through a lot. And as remember it, he offered no support to me at all. Can't remember a single time.

Back in 2006, we decided to give things one final go. As far as I knew, everything was going great. In the time we were together he got a decent job and I was ecstatic as it meant I would finally have some financial support from him, right? Wrong! Flash forward a little to Easter period 2007, my family were going to Naija for my cousin's wedding. I thought it was the perfect opportunity for him to see my country and meet my extended family (I don't know why I thought that because he'd shown very little appreciation for my family that he had met so far).

He decided to come, so I was surprised when I asked him for some of our son's ticket money, that he was reluctant. It was like I was begging him. So I didn't dare ask for money for our son's immunisation. That would have been pushing it. 

Anyways, we went to Naija and I noticed a change in him whilst we were there, but I shrugged it off for the most part. We got into a few arguments, but nothing major. 

We came back to London and he was still acting strange. I couldn't figure him out. A couple of days after we'd been back we had a biggish argument, played it cool whilst his family came round. I cooked for everyone, they all ate, then left. Then he told me it was over. I can see it now, but didn't see it coming at the time.

Anyway, I made a fool of myself, trying to reason with him, trying to fully understand what I'd done. He said I was too aggressive and argumentative. He called me all sorts of names, including a gold-digger - because I'd invited him to Naija and then expected him to have to put his money down. So he expected me to foot the bill for everything?! N.B. I only asked him for money towards little man's ticket, today, in my right sense, I would expect him to pay for all three of us! Imagine! LOL!

 He was adamant that God had told him that I was not the one for him (this was the second time he'd said such, previously he came back and said he'd missed God). God I thank You for revealing this to the one that was ready to receive this word! He said he needed to leave me to have a closer walk with God because I was a hindrance of some sort (so I no be God's child too abi?) He was going to do God's work and I wasn't in the equation.

This guy had done so much to break me down. During that relationship I lost so much confidence, I just disappeared. I was a shell of my former self. During our relationship we had both become born again and joined a church. He used every opportunity to try to control me with the Word of God. Not allowing Holy Spirit to do His work in me. He was God's mouth-piece, His right -hand man, the deliverer of God's will! Smh. He even once told me that God told him I wasn't his wife (we were engaged at this point), and God had showed him who his wife was (a fellow church member, who knew nothing of this revelation by the way). Oh the things I could tell you. The things I allowed myself to be subjected to. One of the things that irks me now is that this guy was so smooth in everything he did to oppress me. He appeared to be such a gentle guy who wouldn't hurt a fly (yeah, he didn't hurt a fly, it was me he was slowly destroying). He would generally speak softly and anything he said was a matter of fact. He had a scripture to back up everything. He knew the bible back to front. And my disagreement was me being argumentative and aggressive. Smh!

[Kai! Flash back! I remember when I was in labour (Chineke God!) and he told me to stop pulling faces as I looked ugly. Kai!!!! I don suffered o!!!! Heiiii!! That's how low my confidence was, I didn't even respond in anger. If na today a for don knock him out with one GBOSA!! Mscheeeewww!]


I would like to say he just left or I just evicted him, but I didn't. He had to find a place to live so I gave him a four week notice period. The hardest four weeks of my life! The atmosphere in my home was so unbearable. When it came to week three and I could see him making no attempts to move (dude was taking my kindness for a weakness) I set him straight and reminded him of the date (angrily of course) and warned him that if he wasn't gone by said date, he would find all his belongings outside!!!

He got the message and left on the agreed date.

I just dey look am. I cried to my God, prayed to my God, was mad at my God, the pain was too much at times. I questioned my God, fought with my God, distanced myself in anger from my God. Man, I went through the motions. I experienced every emotion. Would even cry in my sleep! I mean wake up with dry tears on my face. Then one day I said "God, let Your will be done!" That's when God showed up. (If I knew it was that easy, I could have saved myself a whole lot of tears. Lol).

Ok, flash forward four plus years since then, he's moved in with his girlfriend, got her pregnant, and then married her (yes, in that order, shocking for a man who left to walk so close to God don't ya think? Hmmm.)

Anyway, I changed. Those who knew me before the ex, said, I had returned to being the Buki they knew back in the day. Those that had only met whilst I was with him said I had changed! (Cue J.Hudd, ~I Am Changing!~ Lol). That's when I realised how oppressed I had been. 

My family was elated!!! I had my fire back! I was alive again! 

Ok, so, my wonderment tonight is this, my ex and I have been apart for four plus years now, and apparently both moved on. But I cannot understand his issue with me. He is constantly angry when dealing with me, to the point that all our communication is still by text. He has told me on numerous occasions that he can't stand me (ok, who really cares oh "man of God"?) and he's not my friend (I've long realised that now). For someone who didn't want anything to do with me, moved on, and should be happily married there's just too much anger.

Is it because he thought I would never get up from the crumpled state he left me in? Could it be that he can't take the glare of my widely spread wings? Could it be that he thought he'd finished me off to the point that no other would ever see anything in me?

Oh well! If God isn't finished with you, no man can finish you! There is light after dark. Though weeping may endure for a night, joy comes in the morning!

Yesterday I sent him a text letting him know enough was enough, there was just no need for all this animosity. It had to end. His response? Unfortunately, it wasn't a surprise. Same old same old. So I'll just leave it there and let God deal with him. He is after all His child.

I'm not going to pretend that I was like "whatever, I'm over you" because for a while I really wasn't. I was just hurt. But eventually, the hurt turned to anger, then to hatred, then indifference, until now, when I can honestly say I've dealt with it. I'm good.

So many good things have happened to me since that relationship ended. No lie! I've bought my own home, renovated it (still a work in progress though ;)), studied to do what I'm passionate about (wedding planning :D), and I'm a much, much better mum!!!

Don't know why I went there, but I did. My message to anyone going through anything remotely similar, just know that this too shall pass. You will smile again, be yourself again, love again.

Not that the answer is in a new relationship. Not necessarily. It's in relying on God! Turning to Him and surrendering to Him. I'm just so grateful to God that He's shown me another way. Showing me that I'm lovable. I'm mostly grateful to God for removing me from such a destructive relationship. Honestly, had it not happened the way it did, I may very well still blindly be in that relationship. If a man (or woman) is done with you, God can provide a better (correct) one! The bottom line is God knows best, and He will never throw you away! As long as there's life in you, be sure to know that He still has things in store for you!

The past four years have been a revelation of God's love for me!

Don't let anybody finish you!!!

Good night (oops, it's morning now lol) and God bless.


Thursday, 21 July 2011

Chicken Stew With Rice

 This post was inspired by 9jaFOODie and of course my little man.

In the beginning I was an overly cautious mother. I was inexperienced and was so frightened of burning my son's mouth and throat, that I used to cool his bottle right down before giving it to him. His milk would be almost lukewarm before I would give it him. So it's no surprise that when it came to time to weaning him, I shied away from giving him anything too adventurous like "peppe" for example. Fast forward 9 years, and he's now a believer. I was worried for a while that I had turned my little man into a proper "ajebutter" baby. But it all started with my mum's chicken stew. He was sick one day and the next morning all he wanted was Nana's chicken stew. This was a surprise to me. Anyway, he got what he wanted, he had three pieces of chicken and licked up all the stew. Since then, that's become his favourite dish.

Today was his last day of school and his cousin (who also attends the same school) is leaving to go to secondary school. To cheer him up I asked him what he wanted for dinner. guess what he said? You guessed it. Enjoy the process. ;)

I Started with the chicken - washed and cleaned and into the pot with 1 chopped onion and seasoning - salt chicken stock, mixed herbs, mild curry powder.

Here's the raw ingredients for the stew. All of which was blended together in the blender until almost completely smooth.

I then fried some of the chicken.

Then in the pots goes the stew mix (with a little oil), which is then seasoned with salt, black pepper, mild curry powder, maggi cubes, mixed herbs, herbs de province, parsley, and garlic powder. (One of the things I love about African Cuisine is that every household has their own distinctive flavour.)

The stew is then cooked for about twenty minutes. I know it's ready when the oil sits at the top. I then add the chicken and let it all simmer for a further ten to fifteen minutes.

And voila!

The chicken stew is served with boiled rice.

Little man thoroughly enjoyed his dinner and was a happy bunny by the end of it all. ;)

Good night all.


Weight Loss - Lately

Hoorah! I've lost 3lbs!!! So happy - I know it's only 3lbs, but please amuse me. My friends and fellow group members were starting to be concerned. I had developed a nonchalant attitude to my weight loss over the past few weeks. It wasn't until I gained 4lbs in a very short space of time that my desire to lose it was re-awakened.

So I've gone back to the drawing board - having cereal for breakfast, salad for lunch, and a balanced dinner. I've noticed that weeks that I've stuck to this strictly, I've lost some weight.

Salads I've had this week:

Ok, so this one's not a salad at all. But hey. Lol.

My friends and I had a good giggle this evening about the way we've been behaving lately on our Weight Loss Challenge. Whilst Wednesday is our weigh in day, it's also our treat day. We're supposed to use this day as a reward day for working so hard to lose some pounds over the past week. However, we had begun to abuse this privilege. We would treat ourselves regardless of whether or not we lost any weight, even still treating ourselves when we gained weight. LOL! So we've all had a reality check, and hopefully (I've been the biggest culprit), we're all back on course.

So here's to my 3lbs lost and hopefully another 2lbs (let's not get too excited now - lol) next week.

Oh wow! 2 posts within 24 hours! Hehehe ;)


Wednesday, 20 July 2011

Random Post

Hi guys, hope all is well with you.

It's 5:56am, I'm due to get up and prepare for work in less than an hour, so I figured, no point in trying to sleep now. Might as well blog. I've been reading other blogs since about 4:30am. Some interesting blogs.

Got me thinking...

I've been blogging now since March and I'm still not sure what direction to take my blog. I don't want to be too rigid, but I kinda feel like I'm all over the place at the moment. (#Shrugs shoulders). I hope it becomes a coherent blog eventually.

A thought just came to me. I had better enjoy this free time now whilst I'm alone. When hubby joins me I may be too tired to blog spontaneously (if you know what I mean #winks).

I can't wait to take some leave off work! My son breaks up from school for the summer in just a couple of days. Which means some time off work for me too. Yay! I usually take the first week or two of his summer hols off, then the last two weeks, so we can enjoy. Expect more blogging from me during this time (I hope - we'll see how that pans out).

Oh and I have to declutter my home as soon as I get the chance. I have unfiled mail all over the gaff! Not to mention clusters of unwanted things here and there. That's the first thing I must do as soon as I can. I may start this weekend and see how far I get before I go back to work. I keep storing things with the hope of putting things on ebay or gumtree. I'm yet to put a single thing up for sale. I eventually get fed up and then just bundle everything to the nearest charity shop. Smh.

In the weight loss department, it's like I've just taken 10 steps backwards. SMH! I was on a roll for a while, but in the last 6 or so weeks, I've managed to gain 7lbs. 7lbs!!!! That's half a stone! So the last few days, I've had to make a conscious effort to watch what I eat. I've gone back to salads for lunch. Every day! Today is weigh in day, so I'm going to blog more about it tonight! Can't believe I've gained half a stone. :(

Anyhoo, time to get up and pray and get ready for the day.

Blog you later.